Here it is the second week of 2012 and I am just now getting around to this post. The resolutions goals post. To be honest, I have been avoiding it. At the end of December I was all pumped up and ready to start a new year off right. By January 1, 2012 I hit a wall. As if just sleeping through that New Years Eve night made everything change. I did begin a workout routine and start watching what I eat that very Sunday, the first of the year, (I'll go in to more details about my goals in a minute) but when it came to my business and my blog, I hit a wall. For the first time I felt a little, wait - who am I kidding, a lot of fear and I began to feel overwhelmed. This isn't exactly what I expected to happen. I was feeling renewed and motivated to move forward. Not scared with the urgency to stand still.
You see, I started my little design venture in February of 2009 while I was still in college at The Ohio State University. I was teaching myself how to work with all sorts of fun programs (Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop, etc.) and decided to start designing birth announcements and invitations as a side gig. It was a lot of fun and slowly word began to spread and I now have clients who I love designing the stationery for their life's biggest moments. But this year, I want to do more than I did in college. I still haven't moved past the "side gig" and I want to put more energy, effort, and myself into it. This is something I love to do and I want to have a business that can support myself, by myself, for years to come.
Here is where the fear comes in. By saying I want to take my business to the next level and I want to be in this for the long haul, I am setting myself up for the possibility of failure. What if I'm not good enough? What if no one likes my work? What if nothing sells? I'm not exactly sure when I lost confidence in my ability to succeed, but somewhere along the way, it left.
I've seen a few others who instead of setting some goals for the new year, have chosen a word. Well, in addition to the list of goals I have for myself, I have also chosen a word. My word for 2012 is:
This year I want to constantly remind myself to believe in myself and to not compare myself to others. Everyday we are given a chance to grow. Everyday is a gift, and an opportunity to become who we are meant to be. I do not want to let my insecurities or the fear of failing hold me back.
As far as the goals I have set for myself I will only share a little bit here (since I have already written a book!).
1. Have a deeper relationship with the Lord. I'm pretty confident that my feelings of never being satisfied or the sense of searching I have, stem from the lack of a deep relationship with Jesus. I am a Christian and have been since I was very young. I was brought up in a Christian home and went to church every Sunday. I love Jesus and I want to be a strong Christian, I just have never gotten there. I have trouble getting myself to read the Bible or to pray regularly (which I know these are key components). This year I really want to dig deeper and hopefully fill the void I feel.
2. Be healthy. I don't want to start a diet and lose a bunch of weight and then 6 months down the road get off the diet and gain all of the lost weight back. I want to make a lifestyle change. Make good eating choices a part of my daily routine. Starting on the 1st I began working out and watching what I eat. Portion control and adding better foods to my diet have paid off so far. I am down 6lbs! I'm sure that if I continue the way I have for the past 9 days I will see more weight come off and will continue to feel great!
3. Grow my business. I have been working on some big changes to my business for a few months now. I have decided to change my name (yes, again and again). February 2010, I became La Bella Vita Designs. November 2010, I became Paisley Card Co. If this doesn't exhibit my indecisiveness or lack of satisfactions I don't know what does. I was too impatient and got hooked on names that limited me. I am thinking BIG (read Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, etc.). At this point, I already offer far more than just cards as Paisley Card Co. suggests. Who knows where my interests and passions will lie in the future? Back in August, I took a few steps towards staying true to myself and I'm ready to continue down that path. I will now go by, you guessed it, my name. Stephanie Creekmur. Currently there is only one division of my brand, design, but in the future I hope it grows into something beautiful, helpful, inspirational, and fruitful. I know not everyone will agree with my decision to change my name again, but it's something that I have seriously thought about for months. This time I sat on my decision for awhile and only discussed it with maybe 2 people? I feel like this is the right decision towards taking my business to the next level and I can't wait to see where things go. Of course I am working on a new website and have already begun making changes to my shop. There's lots of clean up and transition but better now then down the road!
Ok, that's enough writing for one post! If you're still with me, thank you for taking the time to read! It's kind of hard to put your feelings down on paper (ha!) but it's rewarding at the same time! Thanks for your support! I love you all! ;)